The Hapless Hermit

Just a Reminder

We should remain conscious of this and not forget there is a "they."

You Got Balls! Sports Commissioners Roger Goodell and Bud Selig

   The Hermit grew up in a very "colorful" if not particularly refined neighborhood.  Whenever someone was called out for being a hypocrite or a phony, he would be told, "You Got Balls!"    So I thought I'd call out a few people that are obvious lying bastards and tell thems guys, hey yous a 'friggin scumbaaeeg' and You Got Balls!

   
     Bud Selig         Roger Goodell   with friends

   For some reason Americans like to think of their pro athletes as nobel human beings and pro sports as pure and honorable when the reality is it's only about the advertising dollar.  The hypocrisy is obvious.

NFL Commissioner reinstated arch-villain Michael Vick, conditionally that is, as long as he is a good boy.  The league fully expects Vick to go around hugging dogs, donating a good chunk of his pay to PETA and giving lots of handjobs to ASPCA leaders.     "The conduct that Michael engaged in was horrific and cruel" says  Goodell and  "Playing in the NFL is a privilege. We are held to a higher standard."

Yes yes, the NFL is all about tree-hugging and making nice kissy dontcha know?   The fact that Vick allowed his property to be used for such a thing would make the NFL look somehow violent.  And there is no place for violence in pro football, a sport where huge former frat-house bullies and ghetto thugs put on 30 pounds of equipment and continuously smash into each other as they chase after the tanned skin of a dead pig.  You know the term "pigskin."  

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Then Bud Selig.   He strongly objects to allowing Pete Rose (who holds the all-time hit record) in to the hall of fame because he "disgraced" the game and interfered with the "integrity" of the game.

Yeah right, this coming from a man who became commissioner mafia style.   As an MLB owner, he colluded to rig the signing of free agents, formed small clandestine groups with other owners to manipulate league rules and policies and then got together with a bunch of other moneyed baseball interests to form the Executive Council of Major League Baseball and thus became de facto acting commissioner until he could officially muscle the previous commissioner out.

As commissioner, Selig quickly set the agenda to make easier profits for the owners regardless of what it did to fair competition in the game.  He instituted revenue sharing which severely cuts small market teams incentive to compete and pretty much just makes them farm systems for the big teams.  He just about made certain there will be a Yankee or Red Sox in every fucking World Series from now on. 

And talk about integrity, he orchestrated the death of the Montreal franchise so he and his buddies who co-owned the team could make half a billion for doing nothing.  It went like this:

---ok MLB taking over the Montreal Expos franchise

---Run the franchise into the ground

---Move the franchise to Washington where they get a new stadium

---New stadium is paid for by the city (the  public tax payers)

---Then sell the franchise for a huge profit (because the new stadium has doubled the value of franchise)

Then even with all this, he avoided his 'conflict of interest' of being an owner and commissioner at the same time.........by selling controlling interest of his team the Brewers to............his daughter.

Yes Bud Selig we wouldn't a man like Pete Rose around to get in the way of your MLB integrity. 

You got Balls.

You Got Balls!

   The Hermit grew up in a very "colorful" if not particularly refined neighborhood.  Whenever someone was called out for being a hypocrite or a phony, he would be told, "You Got Balls!"    So I thought I'd call out a few people that are obvious lying bastards and tell thems guys, hey yous a 'friggin scumbaaeeg' and You Got Balls!

                              

                        First up, Bill O'Reilly

     

      Recently the Fox News team were all upset at all the attention Michael Jackson's death received.  Shaun Hannity and O'Reilly complained that this "child molester" is being treated like a hero receiving all this media attention.  Now, I don't care for Michael Jackson one way or the other but this is a crock of hypocrisy, even by Fox standards.

First, Fox is the leader of Tabloid journalism and they gave more coverage than anyone to Jackson's death.  Second, Jackson was not convicted of anything yet they continue to call him a child molester and even had one of their 'leagal analyst' on to justify it by saying "There was money exchanged so one can only assume something happened as I know what a payoff looks like."

OK, then from now on the entire Fox News team has to address O'Reilly as a rapist.  See, several woman have come forward and accused Bill of sexually harassing them.  Just a couple years ago, a Fox employee, Andrea Makris claimed he verbally and physically harrassed her.  When she notified him that she had a tape proving her allegations, they (Bill and Fox) settled for several million dollars.  Hmmmm... so therefore O'Reilly should be perfectly fine with being called a rapist.

MR. O'Reilly, we know you're just a mid-level propaganda minister, but man YOU GOT BALLS.

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The Mayor Bloomberg Shows Us Again What a Prick He Is.

 The Hermit has some unique talents including the ability to spot a scumbag a mile away.  Take the mayor Michael Bloomberg for instance.  I've been talking a while about what a prick he is and deep down he is nothing but a sack of meat, gristle and hatred.  (Hermit interview w/ Bloomberg )  Every once in a while he will expose himself in such a way that even the naive can't help but catch it.  Look what happened just a few days ago when a disabled reporter's tape recorder accidentally went off when King Mike was speaking.  It was difficult for the reporter to shut it off as he was in a wheelchair and someone had bumped into it and knocked it to the floor but the Mayor didn't care and went off on him for over a minute and a half.  Even after the mayor was informed the reporter was disabled,  he continued to glare at and insult the guy.  Did the mayor send and aide to assist the reporter?  No, he just glared and insulted as the poor guy struggled to reach the thing and shut it off.   I told you so.

Mayor Will Crush You if You Disturb Him

The Mayor Hates You

Fix your tape recorder cripple 

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The Hapless Hermit hates you but admits it.  The Mayor REALLY hates you but pretends otherwise.

         

     

     

     

Truth Serum Interview: Mayor Michael Bloomberg

    The Hermit knows most celebrity interviews are 90% bull.  He knows most famous and 'important' people don't say what they are really thinking publicly.  So for his interview segments, the Hermit attaches a small hypodermic needle with sodium penthathol (the truth drug) behind the interviewee's chair so that when the subject moves, he gets a full dose and is able to do the interview honestly.  For once, we get the truth.  The Hermit's guest today is New York City Mayor, Michael Bloomberg.

Hermit:  Well Mr. Bloomberg, thank you for taking a moment to talk.

Michael Bloomberg:  Yes sure, I'm a public servant first and foremost.  I just wish I had time to speak to all the citizens of New York.....

(At this time, the Mayor Bloomberg leans back and is injected with the truth serum)

MB:  Ow I thought I felt something.....Anyway as I was saying, I LOATHE the general population.  I spit on Democracy and all the nuisances it creates that get in my way.

H:   So, if you dislike Democracy so much why did you choose to run for mayor?

MB:   Are you stupid or something?  What's the matter with you?  What better way to advance my self interest than to be in the top position of city government?  Do you realize my net worth has more than tripled since I became mayor?  And that's just what I can't hide.

H:  So I guess there are advantages

MB:  Uh Duh!   I do what the fuck I want and then everyone tells me what a great guy I am.  I use Eminent Domain laws like it's my own personal real estate service.  I even got the biggest armed gang  (NYPD) at my disposal if I need physical action.

H:  Yeah I heard about that dry cleaner that lost your shirt

MB:  Listen, I don't care about that shirt, but it was MY shirt.  How DARE they lose my shirt!?!   So I sent a few cops down there to make things hard for them and then I had every city inspection department I could think of go down there and give them tickets and fines.

H:  So essentially, you took down a man who was just trying to feed his family and made one mistake and you demolished him?

MB:  That's right and it felt pretty good.  Matter of fact, the image of that Chink and his starving kids gives me something to masturbate to at night sometimes.

H:  So you take pleasure in other people's suffering and misfortune?

MB:  Where the fuck have you been the past 8 years?  I fucking love it.  And the accomplishment here is that New York is supposed to be this tough, intelligent city but I still get away talking the same shit that a crooked sheriff in Maybery would use.    "Oh I'm just one of you" and "We're all in this together," I would say.  I was curious and at first I wasn't sure if the average New Yorker would be as stupid and gullible as the rest of the country but it's the same shit.  Stupid fucks all over.  So I talk stupid shit, clean them out and rule them like a king.  Dumb fucks could only respond with "Run again Mayor Mike, Run!"  ahahahaha

                     

                    

H:   Some examples perhaps?

MB:  OK, did you notice those pretty new waterfalls on the East River?  They serve no purpose except that they enhance the view from the luxury high rises where some of my friends live.  So I told my buddies, sure we can make your view more aesthetically pleasing and it will be at tax payer expense.  Then at the same time that the city is spending millions to build these waterfalls, I'm getting the Department of Transportation to increase the amount of tickets they write and I am in the process of trying to get tolls on the bridges themselves.

H:   Nobody called you on this heh?

MB:  Are you kidding?   Do you know the city has shut down 5 hospital emergency rooms this past year cause we needed to make room in the budget?  Then what I did at taxpayers expense is open an ultra modern animal and pet hospital right here in the city.   AND NOBODY EVEN FLINCHED!  It's amazing! 

H:  OK, tell us about Eminent Domain and public nuisance laws real quick

MB:  Well Eminent Domain laws exist so the government can take land if need be in case of emergency or national security.  Now, they REALLY exist so important people don't have to deal with the fucking peasants while doing business.  An obvious example is the new Yankee stadium.  They built right over the last remaining park in the Bronx.  Now being that (former mayor) Guliani enjoyed the best seats in the house and loaded up his car with hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of Yankee merchandise including a genuine $200,000 World Series ring, he paid the Steinbrenner family back with a new billion dollar stadium and the rent will be paid by the taxpayers.   If the public gets curious about this gift (a bilion in total) to the Steinbrenners, we just say it's in the interest of the city to have a new stadium.  Of course the reality is the only ones to benefit are the Steinbrenners and our friends who will get access to the additional luxury boxes in the new stadium.

H:  Before we go, tell us how you got past the term limits and are running for mayor again

MB:  I like being mayor and I do what I like.  They tried to tell me 'Oh the people voted for term limits twice.'   I don't give a shit.  I'll fucking squash anyone that gets in my way.  I bought the city council, bought any public interest group I could and stomped down on those I couldn't.  I'm Mayor Mike, Fuck You!

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You Fucks Can't Be Serious

McCain, GOP and their roaring bunch of yahoos further insult the intelligence of the average American at RNC.

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    It's a move that clearly illustrates how much contempt the Republicans have for the American citizenry and just how worthless and incompetent John McCain would be as a world leader.  To go to freaking Alaska and put this isolated, delusional, backwards, inbred, bible-thumping, moose trapper on the national ticket takes big giant, freaking, old man balls.  

In the same week an ice chunk the size of Manhattan breaks off from the Arctic and is melting fast, McCain introduces a VP candidate that doesn't believe in global warming.  In a time of increasing global tension (due in part to ridiculous foreign policy of the previous admin.) he puts by his side a woman who never left the U.S. her entire life.   In an era of lethal stds, while the country is the highest of industrialized nations in the number of infant mortality rates and a huge number of teen pregnancies, he picks as his running mate someone who is anti-condom and will fight to the death to overturn Roe v. Wade.    She even opposes abortion for rape and incest victims.  While we fall behind the rest of the civilized world in education, he picks a woman whose first course of action as mayor was to get books banned at the local public library. (a crusade she abandoned as she became busy running for Gov. but still found time to get the librarian fired once she secured office.)

What could be the rationale?  Is it that the past administration wasn't bad enough, he wants everyone fucked even harder down to the ground?   Do the Republicans that run the show (not the retards that vote for them) want to see just how far they can push things?  Or more likely, they're having a good laugh seeing what they can get away with.

It's important to know that it ain't something as simple as McCain being overcome by this broad's extreme hotness.  Party leaders, backers, investors and such had to be ok with this.   See, last week, while the media focused dutifully on the DNC's spectacle in Denver, the country's most influential conservatives met very quietly at an undisclosed hotel in downtown Minneapolis to get to know Sarah Palin. The assembled were members of the Council for National Policy, an ultra-secretive cabal that networks wealthy right-wing donors together with top conservative operatives to plan long-term movement strategy.   This stuff IS planned.

It's a scary thought.  The richest, most powerful nation in the world being led by people like this.  It's not just the blatant hypocrisy, it's the backwards thinking and this regressive agenda, this proud anti-intellectualism.  Also scary are the legions of button-wearing, flag-waving ass-clowns that buy into this shit.   The fact that major tv news pundits respond to Palin's minimal understanding of foreign policy and utter lack of experience  by saying "Well she from a part of the world that borders on Russia so she accumulated some valuable experience there" and everyone didn't burst out laughing is amazing.

The economy is in crisis.  1% of the population are worth more than 175 million Americans.  The last time so few had so much and so many had so little was during the Depression.  It's a fact wealth hasn't been concentrated like this ever post WWII.  We are becoming more like a third world country.  Apart from size, America is just like a third-world country.  A few obscenely wealthy, lots of extreme poverty, non-existent middle class, lots of violence and guns, poor education levels, attacks on personal freedoms and wild  religious nuts.

                             

Sunday Morning, 7:15 AM, Brooklyn, NY

7:15AM :   My neighbor's (to the left of me) dog spots a bird and starts barking.  It's a little bastard and his annoying 'yap yap yap' barking in grating.

7:18AM:   The commotion causes the dog across the yard from me to start up with it's deeper growl of a bark, wreeeooff!  greeooofff!

                    

7:20AM:    All this noise wakes up my neighbor across the way to the right, who happens to be Russian and was out in his yard till 4AM drinking Vodka and challenging his friends and family to feats of strength.  As the Vodka flows, disputes usually come about and the evening ends at approximately 4AM, as by that time 75% of them are either passed out from drinking or physically knocked out by one of the other guests.  Anyway, he wakes up from the floor of his yard and yells at the dogs to shut up.

  

7:23AM   The dogs start barking more aggressively and louder.

7:28AM   The dogs finally shut up

7:41AM:   The little rat dog spots a squirrel and starts barking away again.  The big dog joins in the barking.

7:43AM:   This causes my neighbor directly across to come out.  She is disgusted and slams her door.  The guy directly on the floor above her takes exception to the door being slammed, "Why da fuck ya slam the door for?  Ya fuckin gonna break it!"  "Don't tell me what to do you motherfucker, I fixed this fuckin thing, you nevers fixed nothing!"  They continue to scream at each other. 

           

7:45AM   The woman to the house on the left of me (whose dog started all this by the way) come out on her porch, "Shad Up All of Yous!" she screams.   "You fucking talkin to me!  You shut up!" the neighbor across the yard shouts back.  This goes on the rest of the morning as they continue to scream at each other and the dogs continue to bark. 

We Can All Feel Safe Now, Rebecca's Hidden Chamber Is Busted

   You can find a lot of strange things at a fetish session house like Rebeccas Hidden Chamber.  You might come out of the elevator and find a small, Orthodox Jewish man rolling around on the floor in a potato sack.  In the hallway, you might catch a glimpse of a 50-year-old, naked, heavy set man wearing a bonnet and sucking on the biggest lollipop you've ever laid eyes on.   You might hear a 90 pound Vietnamese woman beat a 200 pound, muscle-bound construction worker silly.  One thing you are not likely to see is actual intercourse.  But that didn't stop the cops from busting in and taking 6 innocent women downtown on prostitution charges a few days ago. 

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According to NYPD, the ladies offered the undercover cops sex for money, $220 to be exact.  Well this is disturbing indeed.  See, anyone who has ever been to Rebecca's Hidden Chamber knows that the quickest way to get tossed out of there is to ask for actual sex.  The Hermit knows through experience that these S&M fetish houses frown upon actual sex and it is almost impossible to obtain any sexual service at these places.  It's common knowledge throughout the fetish community as well as the Whore-monger community that a place like Rebecca's Hidden Chamber is not the place to go for sex.

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So what does this bust mean then?  It means the cops have even stopped bothering to pretend that they actually give a damn about any laws, innocence, right or wrong.  They decide they want to make an arrest, they come over, hands behind your back, shut the fuck up, you're going downtown.  We all know prostitution arrests are a joke but at least it was something that is technically illegal.  These fetish houses on the other hand, go through painstaking efforts (yeah a pun) to remain legal but the cops couldn't care less.    They didn't even bother to make up a reasonable amount of money for the supposed sex; they just quoted the $220 that a standard role-play session costs.   

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So we can all breathe easy now.  Yes yes we have been "protected and served" by NYPD.  We no longer have to worry about some Dominatrix grabbing someone walking down the street and whipping him to death.  We no longer have to worry about some fetish girl pulling you out of your car and beating you down with her leather paddle.  Boy am I relieved.    I just can't believe that more people can't see this bullshit for what it is.  It's so obvious that even a drooling retard could see the city's police dept. is just a tool of social control.

                

                         Rebecca's Hidden Chamber

Trashy NY Tabloid Report   2nd Trashy NY Tabloid Report

CitiBank to Customers: "Yous Guys Betters Pays Up or We're Gonna Busts Up Your Credit Score"

Ah remember the good old days when loan sharks had appropriate names, like Mugsy, Fingers or Lefty?  Not so easy to pick out a loan shark nowadays.

A few months back I took out a small cash advance from my Citibank credit card.  Well, I recently opened my latest bill and I was being charged 55% for that cash advance.  No, it's not a typo, 55% really.  So I called up customer service and asked if this was some kind of mistake and was told that it was the correct interest rate.  Correct?   What does that mean?

I explained to them that when I first became a card member,about 10 years ago,  I was granted an interest rate of about 12%.  Then I was notified that cash advances would be subject to a higher rate of about 17%.  Fine I didn't use it all that much so I let it go.  But imagine my surprise when I opened the last bill to find a 55% interest rate.   I asked why the sudden, huge increase?  "Sir, it seems your last payment was late so we deemed the rate increase was appropriate," they said.   Yes, this is true.  I was one day late with the last bill.  In 10 years I've been late maybe 2 or 3 times at most.    How can they do this?  Just like that, they can nearly triple my interest rate?  This sounds like loan sharking.  Man I could have gotten a better rate from the back alley of my neighborhood 'social club'.  Is this even legal?  Then I thought about for a second and realized, ah Deregulation.

For those of you not familiar with the term "Deregulation" or are only familiar with it in the way it's presented by Fox news, let me briefly explain what Deregulation really means.  Free market fanatics might want to stop reading at this point.

Deregulation is when Government, influenced by it's corporate masters and pimps, decides to favor a particular industry and relieve it of any accountability and responsibility to adhere to ethical and fair business practices.   It's a popular term as it started to become widely used during American hero Ronald Reagan's era in the 80s and snowballed throughout the 90s through today.   For the average person, when you hear the term, you should basically be watching whose got their hands in your pockets.

In the 80s when this deregulation frenzy started up, credit card companies had to honor certain agreements.  If they offered you a card at 14%, that's what they had to charge you.  But some companies got real cute and (with the help of some congressmen and senators) got certain states to lift these pesky little rules and get a few real sweet tax breaks too.  Why do you think you're probably sending your charge card bill to South Dakota or Montana?  Doesn't it strike you a little odd that these banks can literally change the rules after you've made the purchases?   

Imagine you joined say Blockbuster video and agreed to pay $5 a day for a dvd rental.  Then after a month, you're at the checkout counter, they tell you that from now on they want $7 a day from you even though others are still getting the $5 rate.   And they want the extra $2 from the videos you've already returned. Why?  Because some third party credit reporting agency lowered your rating.  Or maybe you weren't renting enough movies.  Or maybe you were late once and even though you've paid a preset late fee, the store decided a rate increase was "appropriate."  You see how ridiculous this is?  Well the banks do this with impunity.

And what are you going do about it, not pay?  They can totally ruin your credit score.  Not a good move if you ever plan to buy a house or lease a car.   At least when you don't pay the mob on time, they just bust your kneecaps or something.  If you ever had to try to repair your credit score, you know a broken bone can heal a lot quicker than your Fico score.

         

"Gives us our money or we send Experian to murderlize yous"

(HIV+)Blood Isn't Thicker Than Water

There are many reasons to dislike Mariah Carey.   She put out some of the worst music of a generation with her own brand of Postmodern Puerto-Rican Puke Pop.  She's dumb as a stump and as charming as an ass pimple.

Well here's more.  It seems Ms. Carey has a drug addicted, HIV+ sister, Alison whom she conveniently ignores.  And to make matters worse, Alison is working as a prostitute, potentially spreading the virus all across Long Island.   She was arrested twice but it seems she's back at it.  If she needs money so desperately, can't Mariah spot her something to keep this ho from working and possibly infecting someone else?

I mean Mariah's been quite fortunate, at least monetarily.  Her history goes something like this:  She hangs around bars and clubs that music industry types frequent.  She meets music industry big shot, Tommy Mottola and gives him one helluva blow job.  Mottola then signs Carey to a nice sweet recording contract.  Mottola and Carey  marry.  Carey then gets the added attention and push from the company and sells (and makes) millions.  Carey gets bored with Mattola and divorces him, leaving with a nice chunk of change.  Mariah then takes Sony for $26 million for a contract cancellation.  Today, Mariah is worth over $50 million.  Now I know None of us are as generous as we should be.  But really, would it really be too much trouble for Mariah help her sister out? 

Note to guys on Long Island:   If you get tempted to pick up a working girl one night and notice she bares a striking resemblance to Mariah Carey, I'd be very careful.

I'll have a blueberry muffin and a double-dogshit latte please

I'm really getting tired of this fucking city.  Well I had to go to the pharmacy the other day.  So while waiting for my Rx to be ready, I decided to head to Starbucks.  I got to be an idiot for believing I could actually get out of the cab on the West side in the 40s and not be disgusted.   Well, I notice some guy is quietly drinking his coffee, looking out the window.  Then some woman, wearing her ultra trendy but unattractive clothes, oblivious to the world, chatting up a storm on her cell phone, walks her dog right to the window where this guy is drinking his coffee.  Then the dog starts to piss right on the window.  I mean this is a gusher and she is just still chatting on her cell phone.  Then the dog squats and drops a huge loaf the size of those old EveryReady flashlights.  This is happening inches from where this guy is drinking his coffee.  There is a thin piece of glass separating them but that's it.  Finally the guy gets up and moves to another table.  But he didn't say anything to her.  The woman didn't even look embarrassed.  Actually she said something like "Oh my dogie had to make potty" and continued to talk on her cell. 

Has everybody just lost it in this city?   I mean have people just become comfortable with feces laying about around them?   Are people sooo in love with their pets that anything that has to do with them, even the shit coming out of their asses is just wonderful?

A while back, I was at a chain restaurant, mid priced type place.  Well some woman very quietly and discreetly breast fed her baby.  A couple people noticed, then everybody else in the restaurant started to make a fuss.  "Oh how could she do that here"  "Why is she doing that in public" blah blah blah

A short time later, at a similar restaurant,  an obnoxious self absorbed Paris Hilton wannabee type has her little fucking rat-dog at the table with her and it's got its bare ass all over the tablecloth, bread basket etc.  Not one person said a word.  Then for good measure it pissed all over the table and one of the chairs.  NOT ONE person said a word.  Actually a couple people smiled.

So let me get this straight, a little nipple exposure to feed a baby disgusts and appalls everyone but an animal's paws and filthy ass on the table where you put your forks and spoons, where you eat your food is just fine?  A baby drinking mother's milk causes you to slam down your plate but a dog pissing on the table is just swell?

Fuck you man.  Fuck you all

Does a bridge come with that huge cock?

I thought these guys were busted for mail fraud already? Why are their commercials still airing? You know what I'm talking about, those commercials for Enzyte, which is a pill that's supposed to increase penis size. And WHO is buying this stuff? You mean there are enough mildly retarded adult males watching late night TV to keep these guys in business?

Listen folks, if there ever is a pill discovered that really increases penis size, YOU WOULD KNOW about it immediately. All the major pharmacy chains would have to be open 24/7. Many industries would have to increase their output. Manufacturers of latex and pain killers would have to find land to build tremendous factories. Chevrolet would discontinue production of the Corvette, Ford the Mustang. The long distance telephone lines will be crashed, knocked out from the massive call volume from Japan alone. Men would be singing on rooftops, dancing in the streets, bells would be ringing, crowds cheering.

It's just a dream. Currently there is  Only One Way to Increase Penis Size