The Hapless Hermit

Can Somebody Please Stretch Out Greta Van Susteren's Mouth?

          

    

   I don't know why I watch Fox news.   I'm a rational, reasonable, somewhat intelligent person so I'm aware I won't be getting any actual news from them and yes I'm aware Fox is just a propaganda machine.    But I occasionally stay tuned for Bill O'Reilly's stories of cannibalistic, drug-addicted Mexicans crossing the border to eat your kids, Shaun Hannity's rant's about the world being just a step away from a Communist invasion and Glen Beck's reports of gay pornographers trying to inject your grandmother with AIDS.  I guess I find it interesting that they can pull this off.  That is they can present news-type programming that is loosely based in reality, completely dis-inform their viewers and essentially propagate an ideology that is against their viewers own interest while turning a nice profit.  Edward Bernays and even Joseph Goebbels would be impressed.  I'm impressed that they can do this with a straight face and get away with it as it's obvious they have contempt for their audience.

   Gretta Van Susteren fits in nicely over at Fox.  She brings her legal expertise to all the most important stories of the day.  You know, the Anna Nicole Smith tragedy, the latest doe-eyed toddler who disappeared off a cliff, or the latest beautiful teenager who got pushed off a boat and other worthy victims.   However, I can't help but be disturbed by her face.  Why is her face so tight and mouth so small?  Didn't this woman have lots of plastic surgery done?  Did they make her mouth smaller?  Is there a medical condition?  It really isn't easy to watch.   It looks uncomfortable.  It looks like she's afraid to open her mouth.  Maybe she's worried if she opens her mouth too wide we'll see all the bullshit in there?  Either way, I can't watch her anymore.  Is there surgery she can have to stretch her mouth to human proportions?  If not, I can think of a way to help her out and expand that mouth.  Below are some methods that can loosen up that mouth real good.

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Just a reminder

         

When the state controls every aspect of life within a society, they call it Fascism.

When religion controls every aspect of life within a society, they call it Theocracy.

When commerce controls every aspect of life within a society, it's called Freedom.

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This quote stuck with me, yet I can't recall where I've read it.  I'm paraphrasing but If anyone can tell me where I've read or heard this, I'd appreciate it.

May is Mullet Appreciation Month

Let's not forget May is Mullet Appreciation month.  Of course we only celebrate the latter part of the month cause like a mullet, it only rocks at the end.   Yes, most of us had one at one time but it's always a pleasure to observe this most awesome hair style.

             
                        Bono 1985

               
           The classic Mid-West Prom Mullet

         
                       Alright !!!

    
 
     

                 
            Pain-in-the-ass Pre-Teen Bully Mullet

  
     Androgynous Marriage Mullet  - - - Fantastic!!!!

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check out last year's mullets   more mullets

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Remember there is a Wild Turkey Surprise section just for your enjoyment.  Check it often as it changes regularly.   Don't know what it might be, totally, well almost random.
 

In Defense of Manny

     

   Most professional athletes are not particularly intelligent people.  However, Manny Ramirez makes even the dullest sports star look like a scholar.   I really believe this man needs a full-time guardian.  People hear him and think he speaks like that (butchering the language and barely making any sense) because English is not his native tongue but my Latin friends say he does the same thing to Spanish. 

   Besides his language issue, he has several other cognitive handicaps and learning disabilities.  The man can't gauge what people around him want or are thinking.  He's not always aware of his surroundings and just gets through life cause he can always "Hitted dat shit."  Matter of fact, this guy hits everything, all the time.  He can hit like nobody else.  Doesn't know a damn thing about the world or anything else but he freaking hits.  He's like a baseball version of an idiot-savant, a hitiot savant.

  I say it's unfair to suspend him for use of illegal substances.  I don't think he knew what he was doing.  And if he did know, I don't think he can be held accountable.  Can a 9-year old be held accountable?  Also, it certainly seems like he was singled out as everybody knows more than half the league has taken some sort of 'enhancer' at one time or another.   I don't think he purposely tried to cheat.  I have several theories as to why he took this 'banned substance.'

-Someone told him that if he took the drug (hCG), he would grow better dreadlocks.

-He wanted to be "cool" like the other MLB stars

-He used it to enhance his sex life

-He really didn't take it and this is the way the powerful Red Sox Nation (with the encouragement of the other league owners) get back at him for essentially giving up on them last year so he can go for a bigger contract.  The MLB owners took notice.  This is a big no-no.

-His pal and role model Alex Rodriguez (Ass-Rod) convinced him to take it by telling Manny that if he didn't, he wouldn't be his friend anymore.

          

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BTW, here is my post on why he left Boston in the first place:   Why Manny left Boston