Truth Serum Interview: George Lucas

     The Hermit knows most celebrity interviews are 90% bull.  He knows most famous and 'important' people don't say what they are really thinking publicly.  So for his interview segments, the Hermit attaches a small hypodermic needle with sodium penthathol (the truth drug) behind the interviewee's chair so that when the subject moves, he gets a full dose and is able to do the interview honestly.  The Hermit's guest today is film tycoon, George Lucas.  Lucas created the Star Wars trilogy and through his licensing, merchandising and special effects and entertainment companies like Industrial Light and Magic, Lucasfilm and LucasArts has amassed a fortune worth over 3.5 Billion dollars.

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.                  "I simply want ALL the money"

 

Hapless Hermit:  Thanks for taking the time to talk...

George Lucas:  Sure I love to talk to my fans.  I think there is nothing more rewarding than talking with the average fan and sharing with them and listening to criticism and discussing.....

(at this point, Mr. Lucas leans back and is injected with the sodium pentathol)

 

George Lucas:  Oww! Did you feel something?

Hapless Hermit:  Oh, I think there's a mosquito buzzing around.

GL:  Oh anyway, what was I saying....  Oh yeah, the fans.  They really are pathetic, aren't they?  I mean c'mon, some 35 year-old guy wondering what my plans were.  What the fuck you think my plan was?  It was to make a bunch of money so I don't have to be around idiots like you!

HH:  Let's talk about the prequels.  Lots of people were disappointed.

GL:  Well, I could give a rat's ass who was disappointed.

HH:  Then why did you make them?

GL:  As you know ILM and some of my other companies produce special effects for movies.  Well, I thought to myself, wouldn't it be nice if there was a way I could have other people pay for the research and development and I still keep the profits?  Then it dawned on me.  Why not produce a bunch of action scenes with the latest technology and effects, insert some generic dialog and call it new Star Wars movies.  I thought middle-aged tards would surely come and bring their kids too.  This way I get to advertise my real business and get paid hundreds of millions to do so.  It's win win.

HH:  That's it?  That's why you made the prequels?

GL:  Well that and the fact that Steven Spielberg was getting close to me in net worth.  You believe that Jew is worth nearly a couple billion himself?  So I made a bet with him.

HH:  Bet?  What kind of bet?

GL:  I bet that Heeb bastard that I can put out 3 piles of shit, with a Star Wars logo on them and I would still be #1 at the box office.   I have to admit though, it was a little harder than I expected.  I mean he had certain conditions such as 1)the dialog had to be written by a 7 year old boy with partial brain damage.  2)I had to ignore the storyline of the original trilogy so to create dozens of inconsistencies.  3)I had to use the worst takes from every scene.   But I think I was successful.  I mean it was no small feat to take the most beloved film franchise and turn it into garbage.  I mean there was a back-story that millions of people wanted to see.  A story with potential for suspense, love, intrigue.  I mean there's a guy losing his soul for Pete's sake and I made it in to something unwatchable.  I should get an award for that.

HH:  So what about these new Star Wars projects coming out this Summer and Fall?

GL:  Huh?  What?  Oh yeah, listen, fuel for my private jet is expensive and I'm thinking of expanding Skywalker Ranch a few more miles so I told a couple interns to put together some cartoon shit and put a Star Wars stamp on it.  I figure I'll take another 20-million from it.

HH:  What about new films? Perhaps episodes 7-9?

GL:  Well I got Speilberg to put out a new Indiana Jones movie this summer.  But I gotta watch that Jew on the take though so I don't know how much I'll clear on that, maybe 30 million.  I'll see.  Maybe I'll take a dump, digitally film it, put in some cgi and call it the new trilogy.

HH:  I thank you for your time

GL:  Yeah fuck you fanboy.  Fuck all you Star Wars retards.